Confused

Yep- thats me. Confused. I was so excited about the club thing- starting a new year, new eating plan, a new exercise plan. Now.... here I sit confused, praying, crying, mad...... anything but excited. So let me explain why. We go to the gym to get our "free" lesson with the personal trainer yesterday. Yeah... OK... all it consisted of is a long sales pitch about how our BMIs are way too much and that we wont be able to do anything on our own because we dont have the knowledge to eat right or exercise right and if we do try to do it on our own we could be damaging ourselves by under or over exercising and any potential weight loss will be damaged and we may not ever be able to lose what we could have if we didn't start with a personal trainer at 30 bucks a session-- at three sessions a week-- for a flipping year. Yeah... you do the math. Then when I said no way we could afford that. He said well we have other plans... could you afford 100 bucks a month.. NOOOOOOOOOO........he continued on about how much we needed it and what it would do for us... I said LOOK-- I have NO doubt that what you give a person is WELL worth the 30 bucks you charge, however, I am not going to lose my house because you think I need a personal trainer..... I DONT have the money....... okkkk in comes the big guns. He goes and gets the "closer"... you know.... the one that comes in and closes the deal who again tells us how good the program was and how they will use the foods you like to make a food plan that works for you and so forth. Well he gets a call and runs off to take the call. The first dude says well can you afford 50 bucks a month. I sighed and said I am not making a decision today... I just want to know how to use the machines so I can get started.......... He was like real sad... and said ok.. let me get you rescheduled for the machines. NOW let me just say--- We were SUPPOSED to learn the machines THAT day! SO ..... we rescheduled and he left us standing there. So Steven was pissed at this point... and I was shocked and sad. But I came there to exercise so I said lets go to the locker rooms and start. And he was like can we. I said I am a member of this club so YES I can. So we went to the locker rooms .... then we exercised on some machines. By this time I was feeling like what freaking good is this doing? I have no clue what I am doing.... I have to read how to do each machine..... and how long do I do them????? So I did 3 minutes on a fliggy thing- I think its an elliptical, 5 minutes on the treadmill, 5 minutes on a bike... and then I went back downstairs to the movie room and did 5 minutes on a different kind of bike ... then I tried this machine that had my legs way out and the only way to keep them from doing that was to walk real fast.... ug........ then I tried the elliptical again and I said thats it. Walked out of there.... and Steven said how long did you want to stay its 3:30.... we had to get out moms... so I said now. I left feeling cheated and confused. Started crying in the car because I have tried so many things and nothing has worked. Steven has had surgery so he has the tools to make it work, he has had dietitians, drs galore and help through his stuff..... but I havent had anything but research. All I know is what I read and some stuff from going with him to the drs. I wasnt allowed in with the dietitians and such. I have no clue where to even begin with an exercise program. And I have these idiots trying to make me sign a year contract that I cant afford. At the prices the gym charges it should be included!!!!

So I have until tomorrow to resend on the contract. I am going to go look at another club. The only thing with the other club is that I have to sign a year contract with them. Through Stevens work we are month to month with this club. And I would really like the advice of a personal trainer... but I cant afford it. I really really cant. Maybe I will get a different vibe from the other facility... maybe they will be the same... maybe all of them do it. I dont know. But we will see. To resend on this contract I have to have a letter postmarked by tomorrow. So I have to get up and go to the other club early so if I do resend I have time to get the letter to the post office. I like the facility but the people--- I just think it is to "richy" for me. I think they are used to dealing with athletes like basketball players and such.... Who have to do that stuff. Or rich people who come in there and say oh yes darling... make me beautiful. Whatever!

Ok.... well I am starting MY food plan tomorrow. Thats another thing... while trying to sell me on the personal trainer thing he downed every food plan.... they dont do this and they dont do that.. and weight watchers wont work .... and obviously you guys arent eating right. *sighs* But anyway... I am starting WW tomorrow with a twist. I am just changing the way I eat for good. I want to stay within the points... but I also want to study food and see what is good for me and eat it. Eat healthy. I am so bummed about the exercise. I mean all I have heard is you gotta eat right and exercise-- that is the only thing that works. sooooo I go to exercise.. but NOOOO I cant do it right.. I dont know what I am doing.. so I am going to hamper any potential I have by doing it on my own. The more I type the more angry I get-- well the more sad I get.... cuz I just dont know anymore. I wish I could afford someone to help me... insurance wont pay for surgery.... I cant afford a trainer..... and when I go to the doctor all I get is eat right and exercise .... I went to an endocrinologist... she just pushed pills! I want to be like that woman and "stop the insanity" ..... wonder how she is doing now. Anyway.. off subject. I am going to study foods to see what I can eat that is healthy and start experimenting with taste. Told my sis tonight only eat out at lunch twice a month. We have to start eating at work. Going to buy groceries over the weekend to do so. Hoping momma will start fixing supper out her place on Saturdays and we play games. I love family time and when we just go out and eat we only have that hour together. I wish Stevens family would play games or something too.... all we ever do over there is eat and fall asleep on the couch watching tv- and I really hate tv... such a big waste of time......

I measured each of us tonight so we could go by losing inches-- because I AM going to be a member of SOME gym to get exercise. Its better than doing nothing. SO we are going to see if we are losing inches- which I know for a fact (through research) that it is better to do it that way and the weight will follow...... because muscle weighs more than fat... so if you lose 10 lbs but gain muscle it may look like you gained weight but you didnt and you will be upset and quit and stuff because you dont think you are getting anywhere but you really are. So, I am going to publish my sizes so I can get support-- they are ugly... I can tell you that! But that is what this blog is all about!! So here it goes:

Track Your Progress

Name: Christy
Date: 1/01/09
Weight: 307
Body fat: 43% BMI; 132 lbs of body fat (www.healthcentral.com)
Resting Heart Rate (See below for instructions): 90

Circumference Measurements (See below for instructions):
Waist (above belt line): 60 in
Waist (belt line): 58 in
Hips (butt area): 58 ½ in
Thigh: (R) 28 in (L) 25 ½ in (yeah weird)
Calf: (R) 19 in (L) 19 ¼ in
Arm upper: (R) 17 ½ (L) 17
Forearm: (L only) 11
Wrist: (L only) 7
Chest: Top- 48 ¾ in; Boobs- 57 in; Bottom (under boobs)- 50

Resting Heart Rate
Your heart rate reflects how hard your heart works during exercise and tracking your resting heart rate (RHR) over time can help you see your fitness gains as it gets lower and lower. RHR is usually between 50 and 100 beats per minute. Athletes and those who exercise regularly will typically have a lower RHR, while sedentary people will have a higher RHR. Your goal is to lower your RHR.
You should try to measure your heart rate first thing in the morning before you get busy with other things and your heart rate rises. Simply count how many times your heart beats in 1 minute. If you can't measure it first thing in the morning, make sure you measure it after you've been resting (at least 4 hours since exercise or other vigorous activity) and a couple of hours after eating. It helps if you lie down 30 minutes before you take the measurement. Ideally, you want to take your RHR for 5 days to get an average.

So thats that..... I will do it weekly I guess on Fridays. I will also post my foods and so forth. We will see how it goes tomorrow.

Love and Hugs,
Christy