Living Lean Session #1- Regaining Power over Food

Session #1- Regaining Power over Food


Oh how I want to do that!  I am sick and tired of food controlling me again instead of me controlling food!  I used to be in control of a lot of things- then I lost control of everything.  It is time to start controlling two things in my life I can control, if not solely with a little help, and that is food and exercise.  The choice is mine.  I can choose to be in the habits I have formed for myself or I can choose to regain some healthy habits.  The purpose of me going through this course right now is to envision that control again and see it through so that I will see the benefit above.  Do I want it bad enough is the question.  Sometimes I do so much- other times I sit in my self pity and just stare at the TV.  I can blame it on depression- being in that state actually does make you sit and stare- but I still have choices to make.  The answer isn't always "well choose to get up"- it is more complicated than that.  When you don't even have the energy to think about life choices it's bad.  Sometimes you have to make yourself do things because the alternative is inconceivable - like getting up and going to work on bad days.  There have been days where I have had to literally force myself to get up and take a shower and go to work- why? because living on the streets is not something that I want.  Living on the streets would not help my situation or well being so I fight not to do that.  However, this course- Living Lean- states not to do it because something bad might happen.  I can see that but I also see the other side.... sometimes you just have to force until you can choose.  Of course you can always put a positive spin on it- "you could choose not to go to work and end up on the streets"- but I feel like when you have to fight with yourself you're not really choosing what you would choose if you didn't have to.  Anyway.... on to the assignments.


Assignment 1


Cut out and wear the Key to Success Card and say it anytime I want to eat- CHECK


Assignment 2


When eating, do nothing else- Still hard but trying


Assignment 3


Identify your two Main Munches:
1.  Real sugar- any dessert made with real sugar.  I crave sweets- not fruit cake and cookies
2.  High Carb foods- Bread, Pasta and Potatoes


Assignment 4


Find a picture for your number 1 goal and put it everywhere- CHECK (see the above pic)


Assignment 5


Record a minimum of five instances when you have chosen to eat your primary or secondary C/O (Main Munches) over the past few days- give a reason why you did:
1.  Breakfast every day- because I have made a habit out of going through the drive through every morning and getting breakfast
2.  Lunch every day- because I have made a habit out of going out to lunch and eating what I want
3.  Supper every night- because I have made a habit of eating out every night on way home
4.  Supper last night- because that's all I felt like making
5.  Candy yesterday- justified not being able to eat it after I start program- I have to remember that I will have that choice once I start.


Assignment 6


Before the next session memorize the purpose for your participation in the program:  CHECK


To be continually in the vision of Living Lean and to transform my relationship with food and eating so that living lean becomes a natural way of life.


Assignment 7


Write your number one benefit 10 times in a complete sentence beginning with an affirmative like "I want and deserve to..." and then state your main benefit-  REALLY???? ugh....


1.  I deserve to be able to go on a 7 day excursion to the Grand Canyon and go hiking and white water rafting every day and set up camp at night while being hand and hand with my girl looking up at the stars, breathing the clean air deeply and feeling the breeze on my thinner fit body.


2.  I deserve to be able to go on a 7 day excursion to the Grand Canyon and go hiking and white water rafting every day and set up camp at night while being hand and hand with my girl looking up at the stars, breathing the clean air deeply and feeling the breeze on my thinner fit body.


3.  I deserve to be able to go on a 7 day excursion to the Grand Canyon and go hiking and white water rafting every day and set up camp at night while being hand and hand with my girl looking up at the stars, breathing the clean air deeply and feeling the breeze on my thinner fit body.


4.  I deserve to be able to go on a 7 day excursion to the Grand Canyon and go hiking and white water rafting every day and set up camp at night while being hand and hand with my girl looking up at the stars, breathing the clean air deeply and feeling the breeze on my thinner fit body.


5.  I deserve to be able to go on a 7 day excursion to the Grand Canyon and go hiking and white water rafting every day and set up camp at night while being hand and hand with my girl looking up at the stars, breathing the clean air deeply and feeling the breeze on my thinner fit body.


6.  I deserve to be able to go on a 7 day excursion to the Grand Canyon and go hiking and white water rafting every day and set up camp at night while being hand and hand with my girl looking up at the stars, breathing the clean air deeply and feeling the breeze on my thinner fit body.


7.  I deserve to be able to go on a 7 day excursion to the Grand Canyon and go hiking and white water rafting every day and set up camp at night while being hand and hand with my girl looking up at the stars, breathing the clean air deeply and feeling the breeze on my thinner fit body.


8.  I deserve to be able to go on a 7 day excursion to the Grand Canyon and go hiking and white water rafting every day and set up camp at night while being hand and hand with my girl looking up at the stars, breathing the clean air deeply and feeling the breeze on my thinner fit body.


9.  I deserve to be able to go on a 7 day excursion to the Grand Canyon and go hiking and white water rafting every day and set up camp at night while being hand and hand with my girl looking up at the stars, breathing the clean air deeply and feeling the breeze on my thinner fit body.


10.  I deserve to be able to go on a 7 day excursion to the Grand Canyon and go hiking and white water rafting every day and set up camp at night while being hand and hand with my girl looking up at the stars, breathing the clean air deeply and feeling the breeze on my thinner fit body.


Phew-- I need a shorter benefit!  lol


Assignment 8


Record six ways you gave away your power over to food?
1.  IGMHS- I, GOTTA, MUST, HAVE TO, STOP
     a.  Saying I have to stop carbs


2.  The SOB syndrome- SHOULD, OUGHT TO, BETTER
     a.  Tell my self I should ..... all the time


3.  The Desert Island Theory
     a.  The only place you have no choice about eating is on a desert island with a plastic palm tree surrounded by sharks.
     b.  I have denied myself food before because it wasn't in the plan


4.  ACTS- Avoidance, Change of Behavior (in order not to have the urge), Taking something (drugs), Substitution (using popcorn because its better than MnMs)
     a.  Been there done that all of em.......


5.  Trying to make a choice to quit forever
     a.  This time will be different- yeah  been there.  Nothing is forever- live for the moment.  This course states to only live in the moment- right now you have a choice to XXX....


6.  Worrying about the future.
     a.  Worrying all the time about future with the food issues


Assignment 9


Read the six criteria for success and keep your commitment by keeping this course a priority:  CHECK


Assignment 10


Critical Thinking Assignment:


1.  Think about the ways you've dealt with cravings in the past that have led to you being overweight:  Avoided a lot, denied, cried, got angry....


2.  Describe how IGHMS and the victimization concept have prevented you from achieving your health goals in the past:  Feeling sorry for myself and using food to ease the hurt of past things


Assignment 11


Thoroughly read this Sessions reading materials:  CHECK

Living Lean- Orientation

Living Lean- Orientation


In this session he goes over the six criteria for success and we cut out our first "key to success" cards for the lanyard.


Assignment 1


1.  Cut out the Key to Success Card- CHECK
2.  Have it with me all the time (thus lanyard)
3.  Read it every time I have a desire to eat- even at regular meal times


Assignment 2


Write down 5 consequences of being a muncher and 5 benefits of being an ex-muncher
 (would be the same as the first assignment- but they said it is training so repeat often)

Consequences of being a Muncher:

1.  I don't like that I can't do the things I like to do - being active, running, hiking....
2.  I am worried about my health
3.  The way I look depresses me- makes me feel bad about myself
4.  I don't feel comfortable in clothes of any kind
5.  I don't like to/want to look in the mirror

Benefits of becoming an Ex-Muncher: 

1.  I will be more active
2.  I will be able to do mini marathons, mud runs and obstacle races again
3.  I will be able to hike long distances, explore and go geocaching in some pretty cool places
4.  I will be able to watch my health numbers (blood pressure, weight, cholesterol....) with pride and get them exactly where they need to be
5.  I will feel comfortable in my body and be able to look in the mirror with pride instead of disgust


Assignment 3


Identify five addictive foods and/or relationships with food and eating that may contribute to your being overweight, frustrated or unhealthy.


1.  Real Sugar cakes, cookies - anything sweet
2.  Bread- White, high carb low fiber
3.  Pasta- anything high carb
4.  Using these foods to make problems go away, for specific reasons- like a party or special time of year
5.  Continuing with "traditions" or "rituals" set in place- like buying chips and chocolate on road trips instead of nuts and fruit


Assignment 4


Make eating a sole activity.  Do not talk on phone or drive.  Sit down and consciously eat.  Acknowledge what I am eating and why.  (this one will be tough)


Assignment 5


Criterion one states that in order to change it is important to do it for yourself.  Share in your journal why you think this may be true:


I think this statement is true because you can not change for someone else.  It has to be for yourself, you have to want it and you have to put in the work to get there.  Others can support you in various ways but you have to want to change in order to make that change.


Recall a situation where you tried to change for someone else.  What happened?:


I tried to change for my mother one time.  She was consistently on me about my weight and putting me on diets.  .... what happened?  320 lbs........


Assignment 6


1.  Memorize the Six Criteria for success.  You can refer to page two in the Reading Materials to see the whole list.- need to do
2.  Memorize the purpose of the training.  Its on the first Key to Success Card. - need to do


Assignment 7


Read the material: CHECK
Synopsis of reading material:


Six Criteria for Success


1.  Be willing to do it for yourself
2.  Be willing to change your point of view
3.  Be willing to stop proving you're right about not being able to change
4.  Be willing to see that your fear of failure is less important than the benefits of Living Lean
5.  Be willing to take responsibility for your actions
6.  Be willing to tell the truth about munching


FEAR:  False Expectations About Reality   - LOVE IT

Living Lean Program- Introduction

Living Lean Program- Introduction

This is the picture of motivation that I created for the Living Lean program I am doing online.  I will use it at each session blog and separate them by sessions.  I am on Session 6 right now but I am going back and reviewing each session and doing the required work for each one since I will be starting my transformation soon.  I mentioned in my last post why this course interested me.  I happen to think that 90% of me being overweight is mental or mind set.  My relationship with food is not physical.  Yes I need food to survive I just don't need what I am eating to survive.  Food should be used to nourish and fuel not to comfort and make you feel like you cant move.  Getting to the point that I was 2 years ago -- I had a good relationship with food -- and that's the goal again.  I will blog my way through the course.  I type better than I write and it is much quicker.  Some say that writing it down is better but I disagree.  I feel the same when I am typing and writing other than writing hurts my hand.  Some people have to write it down to feel connected.  That's not the case with me- I have been typing a blog or message and just burst out crying or laughing.  Plus its easier to read and refer back to (LOL).  OK.... so the first assignments come from the Introduction session.

Living Lean Introduction:

Assignment 1

Write down five things you don't like about being overweight, or if it applies to you, about being a compulsive or obsessive eater.  Then write down five things you would like about living lean naturally:

Consequences of my Current Relationship with Food

1.  I don't like that I can't do the things I like to do - being active, running, hiking....

2.  I am worried about my health
3.  The way I look depresses me- makes me feel bad about myself
4.  I don't feel comfortable in clothes of any kind
5.  I don't like to/want to look in the mirror

Benefits of becoming Naturally Living Lean

1.  I will be more active
2.  I will be able to do mini marathons, mud runs and obstacle races again
3.  I will be able to hike long distances, explore and go geocaching in some pretty cool places
4.  I will be able to watch my health numbers (blood pressure, weight, cholesterol....) with pride and get them exactly where they need to be
5.  I will feel comfortable in my body and be able to look in the mirror with pride instead of disgust


Assignment 2
I need to get the following items for the course:


1.  A health magazine with pictures of positive healthy people (I can get this off the web)- so CHECK
2.  A 3 ring binder to file printed of the Living Lean Reading Materials and Assignments- CHECK
3.  A vinyl ID holder with a lanyard  (need to get)


Assignment 3
Read the reading material- CHECK


Synopsis of reading material:


1.  In the program I will identify/target the foods and eating patterns that cause me to be overweight
2.  I will learn how to deal with the emotional elements of my urge to eat
3.  The purpose of the Living Lean Program is for you to transform your relationship with food and eating, so that Living Lean and all the benefits that go with it become a natural way of life.

Relationship with food...

It's been a while since I posted....


So I got blood work back from the lab the other day.  So much has happened the past two years of my life.  And the one thing that is the most detrimental is what I did to myself in the process.  I can make all the excuses in the world - but we know that it is all about choices.  Sometimes we have reasons, sometimes we have excuses and sometimes we just don't care anymore.  I will add a chart with my numbers later.


I have started the Living Well program through our insurance.  It has an overwhelming amount of information.  One of the online courses I stumbled across is very interesting.  I get vitality points for it so I was like okkkk.. I will take the course.  I started taking the classes and guess what- its not about telling me to go low fat.... or eat this not that.... its about changing your relationship with food!  And what did I say the entire time that I was losing weight?  It's not a diet - I have a food plan and I am changing my relationship with food.  So now I am very interested in where this course is going to take me.


Until next time....

I missed Papa yesterday.  Sometimes I do- very much.

  Google Search:  He made Angie's List for top 10 Photographers in Louisville, Kentucky.  :-)

 

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Commitment Pact

 

I am excited about a new commitment pact I am doing with my friends.  It will help me stay on track while I wait for an exciting new Weight Loss Challenge at Body Evolution.  Below are the rules to the contest so far:

Today is the day we start our commitments!
I am going to make this a trial week- you make commitments on what you want to accomplish- pay the penalties set up if you don't meet them- and Sunday we can all make our permanent commitments for this challenge.
Here are the rules (feel free to comment and we will change according to our group wishes):

1. The Commitment Challenge will be from 2-18-13 to 4-15-13.

2. The week is from Monday (1 AM) to Sunday (12 PM).

3. Posts are encouraged to keep everyone motivated and to see how everyone is doing. Christy will post often and/at least the end of week progress.

4. Christy will keep track of the money- How much people owe, when they pay and how much we have in the "Pot".

5. Penalties can be paid weekly or monthly.

6. You must meet your commitment. The only exceptions are 1. If you state an exception in your initial commitment pact. or 2. You are sick.

7. This commitment pact is between friends. We trust each other, hold each other accountable, encourage and congratulate. This agreement will be held on the honor system. If you say you met your commitment- then you did. If we can't be honest with ourselves- then we forget the meaning of the commitment pact in the first place.

OK guys-- That's it unless there are changes and/or additions. Everyone should post their preliminary commitment pact today! Let's do this!!

So that’s it so far.  With the money we collect for the commitment breakers (LOL) we will decide as a group to do something active- like a hiking trip with lunch, paintball, bowling or if we get enough money maybe we will take a day trip somewhere (that does not mean “everyone don’t meet your commitment so we will have enough funds for a road trip”!!) 

My preliminary commitments are:

1.      I commit to preparing all my meals and snacks at home/work.  I will not eat at any restaurant for any meal or snack.  A bakery and a coffee house are not restaurants- however I will not eat food at the coffee house and will only purchase grocery items (whole wheat breads and such) at the bakery.  The only exception to this commitment will be on my husband’s birthday (March 15).  I will take him out to a nice restaurant on that day.  The penalty for failure to meet this commitment is $50.00 each time I go to a restaurant to eat.  This is an important part of my weight loss journey- I NEED to prepare good food at home in order to lose weight.  I think a hefty penalty will encourage me when I feel I just can’t do it anymore.

2.      I commit to drink 3 of my 32 oz water bottles per day.  That is: 96 oz of water per day.  Flavored waters count toward my 96 oz including coffee.  Soda’s do NOT count.  The penalty is $5 per day not met.

3.      I commit to complete the 50/50/50 challenge four days a week.  The penalty is $5 per day not completed.

So if I have a bad week we may be going to Disney at the end!!  LOL  I will post to this blog as the challenge “unfolds” J.   

Down a little more... Water? YUCK

I am down to 257.8 this morning.  I am shocked, happy and confused at the same time.  Confused because all previous attempts at weight loss have never reached this far!!!  Happy 'cuz ... well ... I am getting healthier daily.  Shocked because I felt fat/heavy yesterday... like I had gained 1500 lbs in the process of a day! 

This is only the 2nd day of our "Transformation Challenge" at boot camp and I am already hating water LOL... I am up in the middle of the date going to pee.  But I am still drinking!  Recommended - a gallon a day!  I know its important but geesh. 

Well off to drink more water :-P

Love and Hugs,
Christy

Guess what.....

Guess who is in the 250's and stayed that way ALL WEEKEND!?  My weekends are usually diet and progress killers for me.  But not this time.  I started the weekend out at 261 and ended at 259.0 :-)

Hitting a milestone!

Hey everyone.  Just wanted to let you know I hit a milestone yesterday and again this morning.  I wanted to make sure that I stayed where I was at and it wasn’t just the way I was standing on the scale or some other thing my body likes to do to not allow me to repeat a good number! 

I weigh 261.0!!  For those who don’t know my highest weight was 320 and when I began the journey again I was at 312.  So that is 51 lbs from when I began.  I was going for that 50 lbs gone mark and I made it.  Also throughout all my weight loss attempts the lowest I have been down to (according to my records in Livestrong) is 265.4.

We are starting a 6 week transformation challenge at boot camp.  I am very excited about it!  My goal is to lose 25 lbs.  If WHEN I reach my goal I will be at 236.  Wow.. that doesn’t seem real.  I will keep everyone up to date with my progress during the challenge. 

Love and Hugs,

Christy

Here we go again- with EXCITEMENT ......

Hey guys,

Starting my posts on my blog again.  I have good reason to.  I have started the journey again and I am looking forward to sharing with you as I travel the path.  As always, if you want off the email list that updates you when I blog just let me know.

Thanks for your past support and your continued support.

Love and Hugs,
Christy

WOW- that was tough

Hey guys,

No I didn't fall off the face of the Earth. Well not literally. Our Annual Communication "happened". Three months UGH... It was tough this year- getting ready for it. Stephanie and I worked a lot of overtime- a couple three weeks was in excess of 108 hours. So I had enough time to go to bed and get back up to go to work. We were exhausted - and not just physically - we were also mentally and emotionally drained. I don't have time to get into a lot just now but I will- things are coming around where I can do some work on me. I tried a weekend at a cabin in the Smokies. It did help the physical aspect of being tired but that took the entire time and I wasn't able to get any inner work done. But anyway- I just wanted to post my workout yesterday- and no laughing I am just getting back into it- (hee hee).

Ok- the first part of the workout came when I was changing into my workout clothes. I decided- because I hate putting shoes back on- that I would remove my work pants with my shoes on. Well apparently my shoes are bigger than the pants leg. So I am hopping around with my pants around my ankles trying to dislodge my shoe. I finally -- after several minutes turn my foot the right way and get the pants off. So you would think ... yes you would... that I would at that point take the shoes off to put on my workout pants. *looks around at all the people who KNOW me shaking their head NO*... You guys know- that I attempted to put the workout pants on over my shoes... well this was even harder because they were stretchy but very tight to the skin- kinda like leotards only a little looser. Now here I got again hopping and about falling three or four times.... To say the least after I finally got one foot through I took the other shoe off and about threw it across the room (smiles). I was sweating and breathing hard and thought to myself ok.. I just burned more calories in this 15 minutes than I will the entire time I am here!

Arc Trainer- hill interval for 15 (HARD) minutes - maybe its because I have been sick but getting a breath rhythm was not happening

One time around the track at casual speed

Home- Made homemade pizza with Mini Thins, low sugar pizza sauce, turkey pepperoni and fat free mozzarella cheese. It was good- and you know 4 mini pizzas feels like a lot more than two big slices (but it is no where close).

Love and Hugs,
Christy

PS Elton- I will email you directly with a response to the email you sent me. I replied and told you time didn't allow for me to respond and as you see above.... it did not. Plus there was no way that I could do it emotionally/mentally at the time either.

Is there such a thing as quitting a journey? My new ramblings.

As I look back over the blogs that I have posted in the past I wonder where all that excitement went. Where is that person that was so excited when she ran her first lap at the gym? Why did I quit the journey... is there such a thing? I don't think there is such a thing as "quitting" a journey. When you think about it- you start a journey for a reason and that journey contains goals and paths to those goals. Can you go down the wrong path? Yes. Can you quit and go back to the beginning? I guess you can literally quit and never look back. But I think what happens is you set it aside to pick up again one day. I mean- who wants to give up goals and dreams? Things happen, paths change- destinations become fuzzy- and you feel lost. That's where I am now. And I have been here before. It seems like I am continuously trying to find me and what I am all about- why do I do the things I do, why do things affect me as they do, why this and why that? I do know that the BIG journey-- the journey of life-- cannot stop until you die. This is the end of your earthly journey and the beginning of a new journey- for me - my heavenly journey with God. And perhaps that is what I am talking about- my life journey. Not a mini journey of losing weight but a journey that encompasses much more than losing weight. It contains my hopes, dreams and aspirations- you know what it is? It is that self-actualization Mr. Maslow talks about... Is that even possible? Are we, as humans, constantly struggling to get there?

I know for me my journey seems to stop all the time to be picked up at another time. As I said things happen. What made me stop this time- nothing can MAKE you stop- you choose to stop. So why did I? I don’t think it was a conscious effort. I didn’t say I am so tired of this - I am going to stop. I didn’t say this is too hard I am choosing a different journey. Those pesky emotions got in the way a lot! If we could just think of things logically and keep emotions out of it!-- then again, how boring would life be if that were the case?

So yes you guessed it- I "paused" my journey because "life" got in the way and somewhere along the way I lost what I had been searching for- It's pretty crummy when you lose what you haven't found yet! But now I am ready to start again with knew paths to the same journey- new goals and aspirations. I am excited but I am hesitant... how long will it last this time keeps going through my mind. I guess I should put it on the table my thoughts about what has went on during this "pause". Perhaps I can get some insight from my support system (that means I welcome your replies!!!).

First thing that happened I guess was last summer my Mammaw, that woman is so close to my heart, fell and broke both of her knees. Yes both of them- most of you know this already. I believe this has done something to her mentally. I have never seen someone change as much as she has since this happened to her. My once strong, graceful, loving and self-confident beautiful grandmother has changed. Although still as beautiful and loving as ever- she is not strong nor does she have a lick of self-confidence about her. We went through many obstacles with this ordeal- and still are going through things related to it. First the hospital, then home, then back to the hospital, then to rehab, then back home. And she is still on a walker and I dare say she will probably be on it for the rest of her life. She won’t walk without it and yells at anyone who questions her use of it. She uses her age as an excuse to limit herself. Every time I talk with her I ask her how she is doing and she says she is old. I think I have anger issues here. I am angry that she doesn’t challenge herself, I am angry that she uses her age as some kind of magical excuse that well... excuses her from "life"! I am angry that she hasn’t healed physically or mentally from the fall. I am angry that her strong and confident nature has been stripped from her! I am heartbroken that I call to see how she is and she says OLD. I am angry that she uses that to excuse her attitudes and behaviors. I am just very heart broken over the whole thing. Then......... I have to look and see if I am angry because I feel I have lost something. Wouldn't that be just plain selfish of me. Does it make me selfish because I miss what she once was? My go to person, the one who I could talk to about anything, the one who loved me for who I am not who I should be... one of the ones who encouraged my dreams and passions, one of the ones who has saw me through my darkest times? Do I even have a right to be upset? I think I may have those feelings - but I also know I hurt FOR her. But.. I also miss her support. Is that wrong?

Then- it happened. Something I wasn't expecting and out of nowhere my Papa dies. He fell going to the studio to get labels for Christmas cards. What at first I thought was SO stubborn- he knew about the ice- he KNEW he shouldn’t be out there... but when you think about it- labels for Christmas cards. I was fortunate enough to be with him through to the end. My grandfather and I had a strange relationship. One I have no regrets about. We fought a lot. I disappointed him a lot. He angered me a lot.... (laughing) Yes we had a strange relationship. But not many people know the intimate side of things like when he used to pick me up and put me in his lap when I was about 3 & 4 years old and read to me (yes I remember), or how he would take me to his studio (he was a photographer) and let me be his model or let me watch the magic of a picture appearing from nowhere on a sheet of "paper", the hours we spent singing while he played his guitar or the time, most recently, that I was in the hospital very sick and he called me to play his guitar and sing to me many songs- one of which was "you are my sunshine". I miss him. I still have not grieved his death. I miss the intimate side of him... but I also miss the other side. He challenged me. He gave me fits- but I grew from them. I love you Papa, I am glad I got to sing to you in the hospital and hold your hand as you left this Earth to be with the Heavenly Father. Rest well.

This too- has taken a toll on my Mammaw. She misses him, she grieves for him, she reaches for him... The whole thing is hard and I can't get past it.

THEN... I tried the mini marathon again this year. As I rounded the corner at Churchill I rolled both my ankles. It was just shy of 10 miles of this 13.1 mile trek and I could hardly walk. I made it to the first aid tent as Stephanie and her mother continued on (with a lot of encouragement and insisting on my part). They wrapped both my ankles and sent me on my way to try to finish. I walked about a fourth of a mile and was in excruciating pain. I had the police call medic to come and pick me up. I was devastated. I was annoyed. And I was disappointed in myself. Yes I was injured…. Yes the best athletes have DNF’s (Did Not Finish) on their records… but still I felt every emotion I stated.

To add insult to injury – my Mammaw called to see how I was doing. I told her I was feeling better and my ankles were sprained- air cast on both ankles- so on so forth. And she tells me- in a very disgusted voice well you just need to stop all this craziness! I said excuse me? I mean this from the woman who from day one nurtured me to be a do anything you want to do- follow your dreams- kind of person. I was taken aback. But what really upset me was the next thing she said to me: “you are too old and overweight to be running around trying to do all of this stuff—trying to do marathons and staying up all hours of the night!”…. and some other stuff I do not remember…. I said Mammaw… that is exercise I need…. And she cut me off and said “exercise is NOT the wherewithal”. I said what do you mean… She said “exercise isn’t everything…. You are sick all the time” (which I am not).

And guess what? I had my first two mile run (I have never stopped being able to run a mile) last night (mini training again) and half way through it I heard “you are too old and fat to be doing this”… and the tears streamed…………………………………

So these are just a few things that have brought me here- Searching for a new way to the same journey. My doctor has put her foot down- bad news from blood test has caused her to be stern about my diet and exercise and lighted my fire again- not to mention my running partner has a new "fire" as well. It is that will to live and loving life thing that is pushing me (smiles). I am going to close for now. Hopefully I can continue updating you guys of what is going on. I thank all of you for your support, encouragement and pushes-gentle or stern. I am not sure when I will get to writing about the paths and goals section- as the emotions are raw right now and I need to get a lot out but know that they are coming. Bear with me through the "journaling" aspect of my blog- but it will give insight as to my struggles before we celebrate the victories.

With love and hugs to everyone,
Christy

PS: A video of my little peanut-- Emma Grace-- She shines and I gather in her rays! (Please excuse my brothers colorful language LOL)

Hi

Starting blog again... uggg

"Rocky Theme"

Ok guys.... I just could NOT wait a week to share this news with you!!! (Imagine Rocky theme playing in the background- LOL)...

I JOGGED 2 MILES TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Now not all at once. What I did was walk 1 lap when I got to the gym and then started jogging and jogged a mile (10 laps).... THEN I walked two laps.... THEN I jogged another mile (10 laps) then I finished with walking three laps. I am so proud of myself!! I just know there is an athlete somewhere under all this weight.... *big smiles*

Love and Hugs,
me

This weeks wrapup

Hey guys,

Hope everyone had a good week. Mine was full of excitement. I JOGGED MY FIRST FULL MILE THIS WEEK!!! Is that not awesome??? Also on the excitement side I talked with some people (my uncle and PT) about the food stuff and I have started a new journey with food. I joined Livestrong.com which has really helped me track all the foods, nutritional information and exercise! I am in love with that site!! Now I am looking at all the Livestrong stuff like duffle bags and ballcaps saying I wanttt itttt... LOL My uncle is the one who suggested "logging" my food. Eddie tracks his food by his Iphone through some other site but I heard about Livestrong first through him and Jamie. It is a truly remarkable site. Not only can you get into "my plate" where you can log all that stuff but it has support groups for various needs. You can even take "dares"!!! I took a 200 situp dare - 200 in a row! And I accomplished it. I didn't find it much challenging however there is a 100 push up dare that I don't know if I am ready for!

The PT has me on "eating six times a day" diet plan. When he first presented it I was like NO WAY! But I have only been on it like 5 days and it is working out pretty good. I am having to change the food he has listed because who likes cottage cheese- I mean come on (giggles). I have changed my eggs to egg whites. I bought turkey sausage and you know what it is really good! In between meals I eat protein bars or protein shakes-- yogurt too. Fruit has entered the picture- I try to eat it every day. I am having trouble getting enough veggies in so I have to work on that. He says that my meal should contain 50% carbs, 25% protein and 25% fat. I have great success with watching that and making sure it stays right around there- however I ate a banana the other day and it was nothing but carbs. I about had a heart attack because my pie chart didn't look the way its supposed to. When I ate the next time it evened out. You can really get obsessed with this stuff.

Ok- below are my workouts for the last week or so:

7/2/09

Track:

Laps 1-5 Walk fast

Laps 6-8 Jog

Laps 9-10 Walk

Laps 11-12 Walk half track/sprint half track <-- yeah- go me!

Laps 13-15 Walk straights and sprint ends
Laps 16-18 Jog
Laps 19-20 Walk

PT wanted to work on core exercises so we did the following:

Good Mornings 20lbs 2 sets of 12
Hyperflex 3 sets of 15
Lat Pulldowns 70lbs 3 sets of 12
Squats 2 sets of 20
Laterial Ab lifts 2 sets of 20
Bench Leg Lifes 2 sets of 15
Bosu Ball- Flat side 15 lb bar - curls while squatting 3 sets of 20
Bosu Ball- Flat side 15 lb bar- twists from side to front to side for 2 minutes


July 3, 2009

Walked six miles at Bernheim



July 4, 2009

Walked three miles at Bernheim



July 7, 2009

Track:

Lap 1 Walk
Lap 2 Jog
Lap 3 Walk
Laps 4-5 Jog
Laps 6-11 Walk 1/2 and Sprint 1/2 <--- WOW what is that!?

Lap 12 Walk Laps 13-17 Jog <--------------- HALF MILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Laps 18-20 Walk

Leg Press 120 lbs 3 sets of 15

Leg Curls 40 lbs 3 sets of 15

Squats 3 sets of 15

Lunges 3 sets of 15

Leg Extension 40 lbs 3 sets of 15

7/9/2009

Track:

Lap 1 Walk

Laps 2-3 Jog

Laps 4-5 Walk 1/2 and Sprint 1/2

Lap 6 Walk

Laps 7-9 Walk 1/2 and Sprin 1/2

Laps 10-11 Walk

Laps 12-21 JOG <-------- ONE MILEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- GO ME GO ME GO ME

Laps 22-23 Walk

200 Ab Crunches <-- I beat the dareee.. I beat the dareeee :-p

Overhead Press 50 lbs 3 sets of 12

Internal Rotations 20 lbs 3 sets of 12

External Rotations 20 lbs 3 sets of 12

45 degree Donkey Calf Raises 90 lbs 3 sets of 15

Standing Calf Raises 50 lbs 3 sets of 15

Seated Calf Raises 45 lbs 3 sets of 12

July 11, 2009

Walked six miles at Bernheim

Now for my food calories! This is what I have logged on Livestrong since I started the new food plan (btw I have a free day each week that I can eat freely):

Anyone can view my food intake on Livestrong if they so desire. Thanks for all your support.

Love and Hugs,

me

Lots of Exercise.....

Hey Guys!!

This one is going to be a bit long because I didn’t post last week. First thing is first. I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers for Susan and John. Susan’s daddy did pass away a few days after my request. It broke my heart. He was such a wonderful giving person. May God send comfort to Susan and her family during this time.

Susan’s knee is healing and she still needs your prayers. John is going in for by-pass surgery tomorrow morning so please remember him as well. His wife, Mary, told me that he would get to go home quite soon after surgery. Weird- they just send you home and hope for the best anymore. I don’t think I would want out patient open heart surgery but what do I know?

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The gym has been tough this past week and half. I have been pushing the limits on working out. Which is a great thing I guess (my body would disagree-lol). I went to the gym Wednesday 6/17 and you have the update on my last blog. The rest of the workouts appear below and are for Saturday 6/20, Sunday 6/21, Monday 6/22, Saturday 6/27, Sunday 6/28 and Tuesday 6/30. I am doing better with getting to the gym more times per week this week. After last Monday’s PT appointment I didn’t go back until Saturday. I need to work more in the week. I would like to go on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. I have school on campus this quarter so Monday’s are out. In theory this should be how I do the workouts because he has the schedule as: Day 1: Chest/triceps/abs/cardio, Day 2: Shoulders/calves/abs/cardio, Day 3: Off, Day 4: Back/biceps/abs/cardio, Day 5: Legs/abs/cardio, Day 6: Off and Day 7: Off.

One of the toughest parts of this transition right now is that he said any machines for cardio is off limits for the next two weeks. He wants me on the track. We have a track in the gym that is 1/10th of a mile around. So he wants me walking, jogging and sprinting the track. Specifically he wants me to walk and jog 5 laps- walk, jog, walk, jog, and walk; then he wants me to sprint the ends of the track and walk the straights for five laps; and then walk and jog 5 laps. He said he will increase the laps and pattern as time goes. Now I have to tell you this news worried me. When I first started the gym in January I couldn’t walk around the track for a mile without being out of breath let alone jog! Over time I found that I could jog one time around the track- with a little difficulty. But to do what he was assigning????? UGGGG But I think you will see when I list my exercises below that I was ok with everything. I still struggle but I am doing it :-).

So here it is:

Saturday 6/20/2009

Walked at Bernheim- 6 Miles and took 2 ½ hours. Then I went to the Gym and did the following:

30 minutes on Elliptical- Weight Loss Program for 2.01 miles

100 Ab Crunches

Overhead Shoulder Press – 50 lbs, 3 sets of 12
Side Deltoid Raises/Lateral Raises – 50 lbs, 3 sets of 12
Front Deltoid Raises (fly) – 50 lbs, 3 sets of 12
Front Deltoid Raises (rear) – 50 lbs, 3 sets of 12
Standing Calf Raises – 50 lbs, 3 sets of 15
Seated Calf Raises (didn’t know what machine it was so I did the leg press on toes) – 83 lbs, 3 sets of 15

Sunday 6/21/09

Walked at Berheim – 3 miles. Then went to the gym and did the following:

30 minutes on Elliptical – Weight Loss Program for 2.01 miles

100 Ab Crunches

Leg Press – 120 lbs, 3 sets of 15
Leg Curls – 40 lbs, 3 sets of 15
Squats – 3 sets of 15
Lunges – 3 sets of 15
Leg Extension – 40 lbs, 3 sets of 12

Monday 6/22/09

30 minutes on Elliptical – Weight Loss Program for 2.01 miles

Bend-Overs/Good Mornings – 20 lbs each hand, 2 sets of 12
Bent Over Row – 20 lbs each hand, 2 sets of 12
Seated Cable Row – 70 lbs, 2 sets of 12
Lat Pulldowns – 70 lbs, 2 sets of 12
Hyperflex (angled bench you lay over then bend, lift and lower your upper body) 2 sets 12
Preacher Curls – 50 lbs, 2 sets of 12
Bosu Squats (full ball against wall) – 2 sets of 12
Alternating Step Ups (step up on a metal box and throw other leg back) – 2 sets of 12
Dumbbell Alternating Curls (front and back) – 10 lbs, 2 sets of 12 each exercise

Did 10 laps on the track – 5 laps: walk, jog, walk, jog, walk; 5 laps: walk straights/sprint (run) ends

Saturday 6/27/09

Walked Bermheim – 3 miles. Then went to gym and did the following

100 Ab Crunches

Bend-Overs/Good Mornings – 20 lbs each hand, 2 sets of 12
Bent Over Row – 20 lbs each hand, 2 sets of 12
Seated Cable Row – 70 lbs, 2 sets of 12
Lat Pulldowns – 70 lbs, 2 sets of 12
Hyperflex (angled bench you lay over then bend, lift and lower your upper body) 2 sets 12
Preacher Curls – 50 lbs, 2 sets of 12
Bosu Squats (full ball against wall) – 2 sets of 12
Alternating Step Ups (step up on a metal box and throw other leg back) – 2 sets of 12
Dumbbell Alternating Curls (front and back) – 10 lbs, 2 sets of 12 each exercise

Sunday 6/28/09

15 laps on the track – 5 laps: Walk, jog, walk, jog, walk; 5 laps: Walk straights/sprint (run) ends; 5 laps: walk, jog, walk, jog, walk ( this was difficult for me to do, legs kept cramping up and couldn’t get my breathing right)

100 Ab Crunches on the machine

Techno Gym Chest Press – 65 lbs, 3 sets of 12
Dumbbell Flies – 15 lbs each hand, 3 sets of 12
Bosu Squat, Curl, Press – 10 lbs, 3 sets of 12

Jump n Jacks – 4 sets of 25

Cable Pressdown – Freemonton Weight Machine – 20 lbs each hand, 3 sets of 12

HERE COMES THE HARD PART: I did 2 sets of 25 ab crunches on the ball. Then I did the Bosu Push-- that is that awful thing where you push the half ball across the floor- ugg. Did three laps of that and then I did another 25 ab crunches on the ball. Did another three laps of the Bosu Push and then did a set of 25 boxer ab rotations (that is where you lay on the ball and rotate your upper body in a circle- to the side then to the knees then to the other side and then back- I don’t know how else to describe it – giggles). Then I did another three laps of the Bosu Push and another set of 25 boxer ab rotations.

I didn’t do the Relays but there was just no way I could. I was wiped out from the Bosu Push and laps! So I left a little disappointed in myself. :-( I soon go through it though and was ok….

Tuesday 6/30/2009

Now for yesterday!! LOL For all of you that skipped to the end I hope you get this workout because I felt awesome after (winks).

Track – 22 laps, started at 6:22 and finished at 7:08

Lap 1- Walk
Lap 2- Walk
Lap 3 to 6- Walk fast
Lap 7- Jog
Lap 8- Walk
Lap 9- Jog
Lap 10 and 11- Walk
Lap 12 through 16- Walked straights and ran ends of track
Lap 17- Walk
Lap 18- Jog
Lap 19- Walk
Lap 20 ANDDDD 21 I jogged --- TWO WHOLE LAPS YAAAAAA can you believe it?
Lap 22- Walked slow for cool down

Overhead Press – 50 lbs, 3 sets of 12
Side Deltoid Raise – 50 lbs, 3 sets of 12
Front Deltoid Raises (fly) – 50 lbs, 3 sets of 12
Front Deltoid Raises (rear) – 50 lbs, 3 sets of 12
Internal Rotations – 20 lbs, 3 sets of 12
External Rotations – 20 lbs, 3 sets of 12
45 degree Donkey calf raises – 90 lbs, 3 sets of 15
Standing Calf Raises – 50 lbs, 3 sets of 15
Seated Calf Raises – 45 lbs, 3 sets of 12 (very hard)- this is where you sit down and you have the pads on your knees and you put your toes on a platform below, knees bent at 90 degrees, and you raise and lower weights up and down.

I finished up the workout with 2 sets of 25 ab crunches on the machine with 10 lb weights each side and then I did 2 sets of 25 boxer ab rotations on the ball.

I still can’t believe I jogged 2 laps around the gym. I am getting ready to head there now. Wonder if I can repeat it tonight?? My foot is sore on my heel again. So I dunno- but that never stops me from trying. Knowing that I might have to post a noooooooooooo I didn’t do ittttt may help a little. But just a little LOL :-).

Talk with you guys soon! Love and Hugs,
Christy

Wednesday PT Time... uggg

Hey guys!!!

I have another prayer request. My wonderful friend, Susan, from Rhode Island just had surgery on her knee. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers as well as her father. He had a stroke and is in the hospital. This was very sad news for me to hear as I have a great deal of respect and fondness for him. It just breaks my heart to hear it. He is such a kind and wonderful person- Susan takes after him! Thank you for keeping them and John in your thoughts and prayers.

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I think my PT is tryin to kill me- of course I am joking but my goodness!!! What a workout. To look at it on paper you would think awww that’s NOTHING… you big wuss. But trust me it was tough. When we first started talking about the gym and how often I wanted to go I told him 3 days a week… he said great. I was like cool. So I walk in last night and he hands me a workout schedule with FOUR days at the gym- uggg. Along with the workout he wants me to do 45 minutes of cardio, ab work and start conditioning for the Marathon. I don’t know if I can do this for real but I will give it my best shot.

Exercise Wednesday:

Elliptical – 25 minutes on weight loss program (increased speed because of time crunch)

PT Workout:

Techno Gym Press- 65 lbs 3 sets of 10

Dumbbell flies- 20 lbs 3 sets of 10

~~Bosu Squat, Curl, Press- 10 lb weights in each hand, balance on the flat side of the Bosu ball and squat, raise the weights in to a curl and then lift them high over your head (ug) THEN
~~Relays- Run a 10 lb weight a given length, switch out weight with another 10 lb weight, run back and do it over again six times (3 up, 3 down)
Repeat the above 2 more times….. and have heart failure!

Kickbacks- 10 lbs 2 sets of 10 and in between each set do 25 crunches

Bosu Ball Push- Craziest thing I have ever done. Put the Bosu ball down on the floor flat side down. Bend over and put your hands on the ball and stretch forward. Then run with the flippin thing for a specified length and then back to start- repeat 2 more times and repeat above instructions for heart failure (lol)

See I told you that it doesn’t look like much! I was sweating in places I didn’t know you could sweat. I just can’t wait until I try to do the Hyperflex (sarcastic) – Last time I had anything hyper was a hyperextension of my calf muscle and it was NOT fun! So that exercise does not sound fun or safe for that matter.

Food could have, as always, been better. I don’t know what it is gonna take to get me on the right track with food. It is very hard mentally and emotionally. Everything is bad for you, it’s confusing and it will get you down real quick.

Food:

Breakfast- 2 eggs, 2 pieces of toast- water to drink

Snack- nothing
Water

Lunch- Walked to Lonnie’s and had a baby beef sandwich, fries and pink lemonade to drink then walked back to work.

Supper- White Castles – 6 plain, Fries and Big Red to drink

Snack at night- nothing

Need to eat snacks to keep metabolism going and to keep me from being so hungry. Need to also try to eat before gym (protein and carb) and after (protein) to help build muscle as I lose fat… or that is what they say anyway- grins.

Ok.. closing for now. Love you guys!

Love and Hugs,Christy